Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Never ending problems.....

Somehow, I think my life are really suck.
I lawfully divorced with my ex-husband in year 2007, our marriage lasted for only 13 yrs. We have 2 childrens, currently aged 14 and 9. The reason I divorced is, I can't stand to being abused by my ex-husband day by day, whenever he's drunk.. actually almost everyday. He's a alcoholic, drug addict and womanizer.
I am sure, you will wonder, why married to this kind of man?... Well! Love is blind.. the moment when we were together, we were both young and playful, I thought we are meant to be together.
After our 1st child was borned, everything changed, he is still outgoing, whereas, I have to stay back to take care of the lil 1, we started to have arguements. He started to become violent, during my 2nd pregnancy, he'll intentionally kick my tummy, and bang my head against the wall.. Thanks God, I managed to survive everytimes, eventhough frequently in and out from several hospitals.
God granted me 2 kids, so that I have the strength to struggle and live on for them till now.
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I received a missed call message this morning, when i turned on my mobile. My ex-husband called me once at 3:02am and another unknown number called me twice at 3:07am.
I also received 3 sms.
1st sms from unknown number, who i realised its his girlfriend.
"i ask u dont call ah *** ready k, now i is ah **** girl friend k, if u no understanding just call me no need call ah **** ready pls"
2nd & 3rd sms from unknown number, my ex-husband must have borrowed the phone from his friend to send me this sms.
"pls dont call back n dont answer unknow person call n no call my 019. if got anything u just say want 2 buy my house o rent k tq so sorry :-("
The storyline is, we own a double storey terrace house jointly under our name, which is currently still under bank loan, I requested him to transfer it back fully to his name, as I need to purchase my own house, using my EPF, but then, he offerred me and our kids to stay in his newly bought apartment, since its vacant, and he doesn't intend to sell it yet.
He brought us to view the house on last sunday, and our kids was so overjoyed over it. Kids....
He also brought us to choose the lamp for the apartment last nite... of course, we drove our own car lah, not chip in to 1 car.. but my daughter followed his car, and my son prefer to follow me, he doesn't pretty likes his dad... b'cos, for how his dad treated me previously. I managed to choose 2 lamps I like..... (those like IKEA!)
I was quite strugglling, whether should I or should not move to stay in his house? Will he still come to harrass me, when he is drunk? Will his gf come to harrass me? (his gf currently working in a pub, and as far I know she is quite an aggressive lady, she uses to fight with ppl in the pub 1... gosh!) eventhough, I can swear that, its just for the sake of the our kids... Over my dead body lah, I will not go back to him, ok! I don't wanna have that kind of life anymore, I dun wanna be harrass..... Why is my luck so bad ah? while I am still his wife, I got harrassed by his lovers, after divorced, still got harrass by his girlfriend. I think the best thing to do is not to buy a house.... better think of migrate elsewhere... haiz!
I think I can ask him to give me the lamps as a gift now lah... I dun think I wanna move to stay in his apartment, I dun wanna be disturb by his girlfriend... I have had enough tragedy... I dun wanna be drama queen lah, pls~

19 comments:

FAMILY FIRST said...

Its difficult to draw the line if you stay in his house. Its like an open invitation to him to enter your house anytime?

~LeuMaS~ said...

hi, 1st time here. thanx for visiting my blog :)

my advice fo you would be not to stay in his house. If u really wanna get rid of this guy in ur life, better dun deal with him in anything...i cant stand guy who beat woman.

And as a mother, i think u need to learn how to protect ur kids frm ur ex-husband's gf jst incase she comes for a fight. Get a good environment on the education and grown up point will be the best way for ur kids now

Good luck :)

LittleLamb said...

if i were u.....pls ask him to transfer to ur name. u n the kids stay in the house. after transfer, it means u need to pay for the house urself.

i know how u feel cos i m once in ur shoes before.... must really draw the line. even though can be friends again...may be limited. Only God can change ur ex-hubby...

Josephine said...

errr...
He seems like being controlled by his pub- girl friend.

Is this what we called "dai sei"???

btw, it depends on u whether to stay in the house or not loh...

Joanna Tang said...

Family first:Ya, u r right.. i must consider nicely..should not give chance..

LeuMas:Thx for your advise. U r right! I must protect my kids and provide them with a healthy growing environment.

LittleLamb:Ya,must hand it to God,I should not give him any chance to harm us again.

Josephine:ya, he is sort of 'dai sei' lah. A lady ah, really must not married to a wrong man lah..haiz!

Jen ® said...

in my opinion, less contact with him brings less conflict. it's good since you intend to buy a house on your own :)

Towards healthy and leisure life~! said...

I agree that you draw a clear line with him. If you would to stay in this apartment, have him transfer it to your name, change lock and live a new life here! If you can't go it, just move out from there! At least you can get to stay away from him and his gf....

Joanna Tang said...

Jen:Ya,I'll hand it to God, God! pls lead me...

Towards healthy & leisure life:Pray, pray and pray, i'll pursuade him to transfer it to my name..then, i have to work hard, in order to service the loan, as its not a cheap house too.. SOB! SOB!

Merryn said...

hi, first time here. so sorry to hear of ur predicament. i hope u'll remain strong for ur kids and unknowingly, ur kids are remaining strong for u too. take care.

jezalmy said...

Come across your blog, i think is better try to not stay at his apartment...anyway wish you have a bright future

Jerry said...

U might think that people deserve "second chance", but some people jus won't insaf no matter how many chances u give them...

As a mother, children are everything to her.. This is wat my mom thinks too... May be ur trying to think of a perfect plan... But if ur an OL and u think u can survive with ur current salary.. Just move out of the house and live ur own life...

Just make sure that he "tries" to do his part as a "father"...

Towards healthy and leisure life~! said...

Joanna, don't just pray, try to talk to lawyer, understand your rights! Fight for what you should have! Let him know that, he needs to pay for it!

J.H said...

I am so sorry to hear what you've been through. This is my first time in your blog, but my heart really goes for you and your children.
Pray that everything will grew better as the days go by...
Human may fail us, but Jesus will never :-)

Joanna Tang said...

Merryn:Hihi, thx for visiting my blog, ya, they are everything to me now. Thx God, they r filial.

Jezalmy:Hihi, thx for visiting my blog. I actually pursuading him to sell the apartment to me with a lower reasonable price.

Jerry:Ya, kids are everything to me, I'll protect them and will try to provide them a best growing up environment.

Towards healthy & leisure life:Umm! but we already lawfully divorced in year 2007, I am quite doubtful if i still have the rights to fight for any of his properties, anyway, will try to consult my lawyer.. thx thx ^_^

J.H:Hihi, thx for visiting my blog. Praise the lord. Ya, God will never fail us, I trust him, for he will surely cushion me when i fall.

Irenelim said...

Wish you the best of luck, dear. :)

Joanna Tang said...

Irenelim:thx, dear!

Merryn said...

Happy Mother's Day to you Joanna...

amei79 said...

should u accept his offer? if me, my answer is "NO"...never gv chance to a guy with violent tendency to approach u freely, instead must stay apart...think 4 urs & childs safety pls...

Joanna Tang said...

Merryn:Thx, dear. Happy mother day to u too ^_^

amei79:Hi, thx for visiting my blog.. Umm... I am pursuading him to sell me the apartment...